omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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