Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize