drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
