i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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