I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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