now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
