Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
