Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i believe in u and ur pee
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He shit in the fireplace
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
