my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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