I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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