You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
