from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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