Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize