Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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