Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
