I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
