i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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