I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
