Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize