the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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