Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
