i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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