Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
