can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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