just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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