thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
