My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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