If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
