sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
