I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
this will be a night to untag.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
