Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
