I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
