You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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