Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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