My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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