I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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