I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
