good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
