I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
