would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
