Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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