The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
