I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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