Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
