I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
