Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
