the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
