Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
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