Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
