i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
