if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
