It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
