Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
