So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
