I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
