Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
