she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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