We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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