went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
