I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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