Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
