So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
