She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
