If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
