im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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