update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
