Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
