Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
