your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize