woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
