If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize