It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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