Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
