omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
