speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
