Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
