Whod you bang
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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