Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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