I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have fence marks all over my body
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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