Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
