I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
