A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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