I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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