god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
