i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
