Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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