... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
