Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
