Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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