ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize