This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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