my room smells like sperm. sweet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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