It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
