WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
