He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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