when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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