i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
