ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
