I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
