Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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