i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
