Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
