Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
