Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
