I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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