The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
