after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
try to milk me bitch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
