PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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