Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
