is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
